Love does not envy… 1st Corinthians 13:4
I was in my addiction, and I knew he was married, but I hadn’t felt safe my whole life, he made me feel safe. A Mother of Hope
From the time she was young her grandpa was her saving grace. Katie knew she was safe where he was. But that sense of grace and safety were short-lived as he passed away when she was only 7 years old. Katie was left as a vulnerable young girl in a scary world with a mother lost in her addiction and a father battling mental illness unable to protect her from the hands of many predators. Innocence gone, and vigilance awakened, the fight for survival began.
By age 12, Katie found her first boyfriend and began an exploration into physical intimacy. She was searching for love, hoping to fill the void she grew to know by the absence of protectors. Katie put on an external shell of tattoos, dyed hair, and anything that would hide the real woman she was becoming. The little girl inside of her was still there hiding and hurting, but it was too dangerous to reveal her to predators, better yet anyone. By age 17, being seen as incorrigible and out of control, Katie was placed in a group home and after 3 months she left to search for my mother. She found her and with confrontation in her heart, Katie wanted to know why she was not a quality mother to her. Unfortunately her mother used this opportunity to create a bond between the two formed by the one thing her mother finally took the time to teach Katie … check fraud. Love was a scam. It was the stolen identity that hid who she really was.
“I knew only a love that was envious for anything that seemed better than what I had come from”, Katie said. She had become cold-hearted because Katie believed she wasn’t worthy of love. She wasn’t worth being found in her mind. The only worth she knew was a scam, a fraud. Yet the real Katie was still deep inside screaming. All she wanted to do was survive. Even in the new found bond with her mom there was a competition of who could scam the best. Her mom’s love was envious and Katie desired it. The legacy her mom gave was the connection in a jail cell. Katie was her cell mate. When she was released from jail her mother remained locked away. Perhaps a saving grace. Katie went searching for a room and found a man. She fell in love with a married man. He was safe, secure, a provider, and had money for her wants and needs. It wasn’t long before envy showed it’s face again. He gave her safety, and Katie gave him the scam she had become. Shortly after becoming physically involved on a one night stand her first born child came to be. When he was born she believed God would give her a second chance. Yet Katie lost him to a relatives care due to domestic violence and addiction. After 18 months he returned to her care and she returned to her old way of life. She returned to the man, the drugs, even letting her mom back in. 4 years later, another son arrived and left Katie feeling alone and scared. She entered rehab with her kids and after the loss of her mother, came to Acres of Hope to renew her life.
Since coming to Acres of Hope, Katie has been able to win sole custody of her children through reunification. She has regained her ability to obtain a drivers license and car. She just made her last payment this week to completely clean up her credit as well. Katie’s faith in God has been renewed and strengthened. Katie never believed she would find a job after all that she had done. However, the reputation of the women who have gone before her has set a legacy that opened the door for Katie as well.
Katie says,
“I didn’t find just one job, I was offered two jobs working in a field that I never imagined would accept me into it. I have a community of support and a family here at Acres of Hope. I have grown as a strong mother, and have an incredible bond with my children. For me, love is no longer envious. Love is God and the way He can teach and transform a cold, stony heart and make it beat again. Love no longer is envious in my life. Love is rather the beating expression of how God can change you. I was wrong about love, it doesn’t envy, instead it never fails. I have learned love can always breakthrough, so do it. Love truly, madly, deeply.”
This is Katie’s story of a life renewing through Acres of Hope.
To be a part of the lives of mothers like the one in this letter, and their children,
Visit: acresofhopeonline.org or Call: 530-878-8030